So how did my pathway become clear to me, well I grew up in, what I didn't see initially, a toxic family, my extended family where, I thought, close and connected; I was very close to a cousin, I thought this was a positive relationship but now see it as a very domineering and a controlling relationship whereby I was instilled with fear and lack of self-esteem and confidence due to her narcissistic tendencies. My birth was very difficult being very premature, small and in  a neonatal unit for a long time, meaning I needed care and that I was in hospital away from my family for a long time and in those days touch and bonding wasn't understood so much and I never ever developed a maternal bond or loving relationship, there was only jealousy in our relationship, never once being told I was loved and never ever hugged or touched. We never had a mother and a daughter relationship, so I grew up very independent, very stubborn realising I just had to do things for myself. School was not a good experience as lack of care was evident and due to my birth issues and consequential physical difficulties I was bullied so social contact in school was very limited. My mother never accepted I had physical disabilities or took me for a diagnosis, even when I got it diagnosed as an adult, she said I was making it up for attention, so I developed my life very independently.  It wasn’t until many years later when I saw photos on Facebook, that I realised, my narcissistic cousin and my family were excluding me from family events and weren't inviting me to anything. It was clear from her behaviour that  she wanted to take over my role in my family she have my eye on my nuclear family and my brother, my mother, my father, that's what she wanted so she was pushing me out and she continued to do so without my knowledge as I was just being an independent person. When I saw the photos of family events it seriously upset me and started to become clearer. I was never invited to anything then when my matriarchal grandmother who had held the family together, became ill and was passing I was called to her bedside but I was called five hours after the rest of the family I was an afterthought and I realised that and that's hurts to this day that I couldn't say a proper goodbye because I was called five hours after everyone else. I began to notice that my parents were giving gifts to my cousin and treating her like a daughter and that just got extended. My brother was very close and still is, to her and she's told me she's very close to him ‘he's like a brother to her’, which was exactly what she wanted and had worked towards, it was only when my mother was passing and family members were around the bed that  a second cousin asked me how was it that she'd never met me before and didn't know about me but she knew my brother, there was an awkward silence and a lot of shifting around from other family members there and I realised that they all were all involved, they were all controlled and influenced to exclude me from the family. I also got letters from my cousin saying that I was just using my family and didn’t care about them,  it was a serious attack on me and when I took these letters to my parents in tears about the untruths, there was absolutely no response there was not even a comment they were totally in agreement and as  I found out later she'd wrote the letters with them and that's how they saw me due to the distance from them I was forced to keep. I did try to communicate with my parents about how I felt, including a 14-page letter, but this was ignored. So, I continued supporting myself which actually meant I had to work a lot, every hour, shifts, nights, up to three jobs at a time and as do so many people who don't have care and love in their lives, I moved into the care field, lots of care fields. I knew that it was common for people who didn't have love to work in care fields to get that love but I didn't see myself, at the time as doing that I worked hard I was well known for working hard because I was by myself, focused on my work, I was working every hour, I had a very high mortgage all by myself which was quite rare in those days over 30 years ago.  It was hard,  care work is not highly paid, I worked every hour I could to pay the bills, when I was in teaching I was having very little sleep I was up marking most of the night so I was having two or three hours sleep, I wasn't eating properly I had no time I wasn't cooking meals I was going to the local shop outside of the uni and I was buying crisps and junk food I was putting on weight, my self-esteem and confidence were destroyed and I certainly didn't have a social life I had a bit of a social life in my younger years when I was still at home without a mortgage but as soon as I got a mortgage that went because all my money was paying my bills I was also in an old house that needed a lot of work that didn't totally get fixed; heating system that didn't work properly, never worked properly, all my money was just being drained and that was how it was for a long time, just working. There was no work life balance I was giving out 90% of my energy to other people and whilst I didn't object to that it wasn't good for me it was too much, I was actually told that I was giving out too much energy to others but you don't listen do you, you kind of ignore these triggers and carry on because you don't see a way out. So that was my life until I had a couple of triggers, real eye-opening triggers and I thought I just can't carry on like this. So, I made some very dramatic changes in my life, luckily, I was old enough to take early retirement from teaching. As a teacher I was still doing all the things I wanted to do but not all my passions were fully in my life. I loved life coaching, had been drawn to it for many years, but again hadn’t noticed the signs, hadn’t listened to the universe. I had qualified many years before but was working too much to fully include it into my life. Metaphysics, energy work, esoteric and apothecary all the things that were real passions I wasn't able to follow up through lack of time, energy and headspace. I was seeing lots of people online, like Instagram, living a life full of these things and living the kind of life I wanted to live. The in my face trigger which the universe sent was when I got broken into early hours of the morning and it hit me, I didn't want to carry on living that life, there, it wasn’t a life I wasn’t living, I was just doing, just being, just surviving because that's what I had to do, had learnt to do as I had no support from anyone else, I needed to change my mindset. So, as I said, I made some dramatic changes and I moved to a quieter part of the country, from city life to Cornwall. I managed to sell my house that I'd had struggled with for 23 years, took early retirement and I bought a place in Cornwall a place needing renovation and doing up my way, with a bit of land, enough to grow my own food, start an apothecary garden and do the things I want to do. I'm able to look into belief systems and ways of life that I was always interested in, to be me. Now I know that, that ‘me’ is not what my family would understand, to celebrate things that I believe in, to focus more on the mother earth, to focus more on being healthy to focus more on non-material lifestyles, self-sufficient lifestyles; it's not the lifestyle my family have grown up in, but it's a lifestyle that I want and it's a lifestyle that I've walked away from my family, to become part of, so I am now able to be the person I want to and to be on the path I want to be on. There's still changes to be made and there always will be as there is development, evolving and learning, I believe we are here to learn and continually evolve and to pass on that learning to others, so that will happen. Along the journey I've left behind things and people who weren't good for me who were keeping me tied into an existence, a path, a being that actually wasn't me, that was dominating me and not allowing me to come forth.  I now realize I've had a lot of narcissistic people influencing me and I needed to break away from them in order to be me and I can now breathe again. I can see who I need to be, there were aspects of me that came out, certainly in the care work I did  and certain people saw it in the care and  teaching work I did, seeing me for who I was, but I wasn't fully being me, I was just kind of peeping out if you like, now I'm able to have the space and have the energy, it's taken a while but I've developed the energy to be me, I can do my intuitive life coaching, my metaphysics, my passions, I can do that now with all the energy that I can give it but I can also keep some of that energy for me and have a better balance than giving out 90% of me. Yes, it means walking away and turning my back on my family, I've tried to rekindle a relationship with my brother and to some extent he sees a small part of it now, but he's still very close to family members who instigated most of this. Yes forgiveness is the way, it's what she wanted, being narcissistic she went for it and she got it and unbeknown to me I was letting her do it but other members were involved, followed the crowd, listened didn't question; I’ve learnt a lot and I know with certainty that you don't choose your family, you choose your friends as the saying goes, my family  prompted me to be independent they taught me to be strong to be stubborn to stand up for myself. a lot of people don’t get this level of independence, its alien to them, it's the way I've had to grow it's the way I needed to develop, it's the way I had to be and it's not a bad way, sometimes maybe I need to open up and just let some other people help me that evolvement, I need to work on but I can see these areas  and blocks clearly now and I can stop myself and I can change my limiting thinking, look into my metaphysical mindset and behaviour now with understanding of its affects and consequences, I don’t need to stay in my comfort zone, I need challenged to grow, all is within my control and I can and am developing my pathway my way and when you start, when you, as they say in metaphysical thinking start the ball rolling everything else just takes off everything else just goes your way. I’m not saying there wasn’t challenges changing my path, my lifestyle  from people and events, I was challenged I was pushed, the universe was checking to see if it was what I really, really wanted because it was a dramatic change and it took a long time to get here, to overcome obstacles put in my way but  I kept manifesting what I wanted, everybody else kept saying; change your mind, do something different, find a new property (when it took 9 months to get this one!) but no, this is what I wanted to manifest and this is what I manifested and you too can manifest your pathway it's just seeing the wood for the trees, pushing away those obstacles, it's just peeping through seeing the lights and going for it.